Sorry I haven't been keeping up on this. I've just been in a fog of bad humor lately. James and I are still on a break it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Plus I just haven't felt like talking about whats going on with other people. I've just wanted to put myself in a bubble. I know I shouldn't but I'm sheltering myself. I know whats going to happen, I'm kind of ready for it..I guess. I just don't want to deal with it right now. Plus I don't want to be a downer for everybody. And today would have been our 1yr anniversary. I guess its not that big of a deal, but it was to me, b/c it would have been my 1st one. So sad to say..I was kind of looking forward to it. Oh well.

I'm just so tired of him saying its not about feelings or I shouldn't take things so personally. How can you not when for nearly a year you're with someone and then all this other crap comes up out of nowhere, and changes everything. It is personal...it does change emotions and everything. I'm not a complete ice queen with no feeling whatso ever. Right now I wish I was, because then this wouldn't bother me. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? I'm going to be one tough cookie when I get through this...in theory.

And the hits just keep on coming

So not only was today the day that the marriage license was obtained I also got a phone call. This was a very special phone call from my Dr's office. Yep it had been six months since my last appointment (the fun ones you know) I was hoping the results would come back I don't have to come back for a year...that would have been great. But of course this is me and I don't get that lucky.

It wasn't life altering horrible news, I still have abnormal cells so I still have to go in every six months. So my next appointment is between christmas and new years...how crappy. But I really didn't want this news on top of what was going down today. Of course to top it off, I wanted to talk to James and of course he doesn't answer any of my texts or phone calls.

Well that's what's going on with me...for now

HMMM......

So today is going to be a difficult day. Today James goes to get a marriage license. Things are looking a little better but he's making sure all avenues are covered. She gets to retake the test in Indiana the first Tuesday in July. Only problem is the results may not be back in time....so this has to be done. I have my fingers crossed that she passes this time and the results get back before they have to go through with this...but one never knows.

I'm so sick to my stomach with nerves because this is not a day I've been looking forward to at all.

Tired!

I'm dragging ass today! I stayed at James' Friday night. We had some errands to run. He had to take his semi in to get it fixed so I had to follow him there. Luckily mom let me borrow her car. His kids decided they wanted to ride with me...which makes me feel nice...I think the air must work better in my car than the truck. But on the way we get stuck in friday after work rush hour...woo, then one of his drivers happens to be broken down on I 270 so we stop so James can help him. While stopped a nice man pulls in front of me and starts to back up...got super close to the car..freaked me out..to see if I need fuel or something. Finally around 7pm all the errands were done.

The best part about it was that we actually talked and I think he finally listened to me, which made me feel so much better. When we were having breakfast we were both smiling for once, and happy. It was like the old us came back. So very very nice.

Other than that its been too dang hot and I can't sleep during my required times. Boo! I always feel gross and sticky! Had to share that with you.

dum dum dum

So James and I had one of our brilliant fights again today. Over something kind of stupid, but not. He had an appointment that he didn't tell me about, which is kind of a big deal, with everything that's been going on with him healthwise. But we were fighting via text message..that always works out well...no. So when we actually talked on the phone we were able to work things out.

Then he got ahold of me later, and there may be some light @ the end of our tunnel. The Gov. of IN. has expressed interest in helping Anya retake the test in his state! I'm not getting my hopes up yet. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. I really really hope she gets to retake this thing and she passes this time. It would be amazing!

Weekend Fun

So I was really sad to leave Cindy's yesterday. Wyatt has gotten soo big! He is such a cutie, I wish I could be around more...I'm sure once he starts forming real words he will never shut up. The party was fun, I think I got some good pics of him and his birthday cake. Jill (Cindy's mom) made a big #1 cake for the "grown ups" and a bunch of tiny little #1 cakes for the little kids and Wyatt. He was covered in icing..too cute!

Christina we were soo sorry you couldn't make it. Hopefully you're feeling better. We decided it was your sandwich that you were craving that did it to you...lol. Maybe sometime we can all get together for lunch again soon. I know I miss you guys, but it always comes into light just how much after I've gotten to hang out with you guys for a while.

So for the first time in a week, I'm extremely happy! Mainly because I'm going to down to see one of my favorite families...The Fishers! Wyatt's 1st bday is Saturday and I couldn't be more excited for it. I just have to get a gift.



I'm sure everyone is wondering where my head is with my situation. I've talked to Cindy about it kind of. But in spite of everything...I'm sticking with him. It's not something I'm going into lightly or blind. We have discussed things and there will be boundries set up and applied. I know everyone will think I'm crazy/dumb for doing this. Believe me I didn't think I'd be able to, and I'm still iffy some days. 90% of the time though I know I have to try, or I'll think what if. I know he feels the same way. Its a hard situation, but I also know if I were in her shoes he would do the same for me. Of course I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. I've printed off an application for West Chester to be a dispatcher...so I'm making my back up plans if this should blow up in my face...which I'm hoping it doesn't.

Ok Just wanted to fill you guys in. I really am happy with the choice I'm making...I have thought about it a lot.