D-Day has arrived

The day I've been dreading for a long long time has arrived. I just found out unless there is some miracle, James will be getting married and not to me. I feel so completly empty inside. I knew this day would come, but now I don't know what to do with myself. I feel dead. I had to tell my parents last night. To be honest my mom already knew, but dad didn't...and that didn't go so hot. I never wanted anything so bad as being with him, and I feel utterly stupid and so alone and hurt to the point I don't know if I'll ever heal. I hate being so far away from everyone I truly truly care about, I feel like I have to go through this without a support system. I know I have my family, but I've always relied on my friends to get me through any problem I've had with a guy. I won't be answering my phone for a few days, at least until I can get a grip and not sob hysterically when his name is mentioned. I wish I could get go into a coma and wake up when it won't hurt anymore. But I know I have to face this head on to get closure and attempt to move on some how. I guess I should look at the bright side, I can control myself and be committed to someone for almost a year, that's a big thing for me.