Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dealing
I'm not 100% better...far far from it. I know everyone will think I'm crazy, but we (James & I) are trying to hold out hope that something will happen to stop it. I know deep down that it won't, but I don't think I can let go....yet. So I'm going to try..and hopefully it works..to stay long enough to get my goodbyes in. I'm going to try to treat it like a terminally ill family member/friend. You know they aren't going to make it, but you hope against hope, but you stick around and say your goodbye when needed. Sick analogy I know, but it is what it is. I'm hoping that this train of thought will help me through this. Just wanted to let everyone know my thinking process after a few day of hell. Thank you for being here for me.
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Amie, I know you are hurting and just want the happily ever after, but this is not the way to do it. he is pulling your strings back and forth b/c he can and it only make things worse for YOU in the end. I wish you would stop putting yourself through this. good-bye is good-bye and just b/c you drag it out doesn't make it hurt any less. you should know this. It actually makes things worse, i know. greg and i kept doing the same thing and one day i just had to stop it b/c the pain of the good-byes just kept adding up. greg was a great guy but we realized that we weren't ment for each other long term. we wanted different things in life. you know how the rest turned out. i told myself i wasn't going to settle and i would open up to what i wanted and now i have ryan (not the best looking but still great and we make a cute baby). I wish you would do the same. you know i love you and only want you to be happy. i hope i didn't upset you too much but i miss my happy go lucky amie. you are a great friend and i'm just trying to be one back.
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